Friday, 23 December 2011

Hatchet 2 F.T. Movie Review

HATCHET 2   6/10
Danielle Harris, Tony Todd, Kane Hodder

After the bloodbath of the first movie, our hack happy and incredibly handsome slasher killer Victor Crowley made just one mistake, letting a single survivor escape from the bloody bayou and back into civilisation. Now Marybeth is back, and this time she's brought with her a team of hunters, trackers and fishermen to once again go in search of the elusive Crowley! Its not long before our inept bunch of tooled up inbreds are splitting up into pairs (and pieces) to explore the swamps, and the whole damn bloodbath starts up again, with more crushed heads, chainsaw incidents and head sandings than you can shake a machete at! Will these idiots ever learn? Obviously not, but at least their horrific stupidity is great for our tasteless viewing pleasure, and to make matters worse, one of their own group isn't exactly batting for the home team either and has insidious plans all of his own.

TERROR   1/5

This shit's waaaayyyyy too much fun to be scary, Ridiculous...yes. Unbelievably violent, most definitely. Terrifying...not on yer life! For one, I don't live in, or near, the Louisiana swamp, so I feel totally unaffected by the glorious horror's portrayed within. Much like I am with any movies set deep in the sea (Leviathan / Deep Star Six) or in space (Aliens / Titan Find). Neither of these places are travel destinations I think I'll be visiting anytime soon so terror in either of them does nothing for me. If it was Victor Crowley butchering residents of a shitty, gray and depressing apartment block in Glasgow, then yes, I would probably be a bit more nervous when I switched off my lights and went to bed. (Although to be completely honest, if I switched off my bedroom light and there was a fucking great big sea monster in my bed I would also shit myself.)

Is this yours?
GORE   4/5

I actually don't have any analogies to fit the sheer mind-boggling amounts of blood and gore thrown at us during this movie, men are brutalised in a variety of different, and ever more brutal ways involving giant chainsaws, sanders, shotgun butts, squeezing, axing, propellers, I could go on for a while here but won't bore you with all the squidgy red details. there is, however, an interesting sex scene that you just know won't turn out well for our young star crossed lovers. Oh come on, who gets up to the old rumpy pumpy while hunting monsters in a dark, dirty swamp? Victims apparently...that's who.

NUDITY   2/5

Has the same amount of obligatory tit shots as in the first movie, mostly at the start of the film, and one of these shots even involves the girls from the original movie. All in all though, the men to woman ratio of this movie is about 7 to 1 so I'm pretty happy that there wasn't more nudity in here as the odds aren't good it'll be nakedness I'm happy to see.

Yoink!
PLOT/CHARACTER   2/5

I would love to give this movie higher marks for its in depth and intriguing plot lines and astute characterisation, but that's not why I watched it, and if I was being completely honest with both you guys and myself, it's badly let down on both these fronts. The plot line is basically 'survivor from first bout of butchery goes back into the swamp with more victims to get butchered once again'. Oh and there's also an attempt at a back story, but really it's all just window dressing for a bit of a bloodbath interspersed with some witty one liners and Lot's of chasing, screaming, poor decision making skills, and death, lots and lots of death. So if you don't mind losing all plot and character for a gore drenched assault on your senses, and have an hour and a half of your life to waste...then good times.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1270835/

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