Rosie Fellner, Paris Hilton, Vivienne Harvey
Nine Vacuous friends attend a 21st birthday bash for a guy who looks to be in his thirties, in a feckin' massive Mansion in the Scottish highlands. One of them opens a cursed book, or something, and a vengeful Scottish ghost just 'pops oot' and begins to take over the party guests one at a time, rudely using them to stab the shit out of each other somewhere just off camera...or something. Seriously though, that's pretty much as bored as I felt while watching this movie. I actually read some of the paper during it, and done a little bit of the brain-teaser, just to break up the monotony of it all. Let's face it, I was only watching it too see Paris get naked anyway, and when she bites the big one (not in that sense, pervert) without breaking out the puppies, then I just kind of gave up. kudos to the mental, murderous Scottish ghost though, if I was stuck in a house with these nine arseholes then I would probably kill them all as well. In my opinion, you should avoid this movie like you would avoid a 'little chef' toilet.
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| Cheers everyone! Our careers are ruined! |
The single, lonely, solitary point given here is for the terrifying acting displayed within the confines of this movie. Even the snow storm, that was supposedly whipping up a frenzy outside the mansion during the 'horror', couldn't act worth a shit and honestly looked like someone was just throwing soap powder in from a box somewhere just off camera. The few scares that they try and actually catch us with are so badly stumbled into, and blatantly signposted with ever rising drum and bass music, that they just seem a bit, well, ridiculous. Yes, that's right, I said 'drum and bass'...enough said really.
GORE 0/5
As goreless as an episode of Scooby Doo, and half as much fun, I honestly have no idea why this film has an eighteen certificate. Most of the deaths are done off camera and it's an entirely bloodless affair throughout. Maybe they blew all of the budget on soap powder for the snow scenes?
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| That's not a look of love. |
Paris Hilton and gratuitous nudity usually go hand in hand but not in this movie, a beautiful cast, according to the DVD jewel case at least, are kept fully clothed throughout...So that's nine drunken teenagers on holiday for a 21sy birthday bash and there's absolutely no sex or nude lesbian shenanigans?? Now that is ridiculous. So to cap that off, this 'horror' movie has no scares, no blood, and no nudity whatsoever, and it still has an eighteen certificate...I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but there's definitely something amiss here...
CHARACTERS / PLOT 1/5
Terrible acting, characterisation, script, plot, direction and accents throughout. Not only that but every single horror cliche is visited, and visited badly, so we have a group of brain dead idiots splitting up, dying, regrouping, splitting up, dying, crying a bit, regrouping...and repeat until one. The little tacked-on explanation speech at the end will also make you so angry that you'll want to go down to your local rental store and slap the clerk, and then keep slapping him until he either destroys the disc or the police turn up and arrest you, whatever comes first. You'll be fine though, once the jury get a look at this Celluloid disaster, there's no way they'll convict you.
...No Trailer was found for this film, maybe that video clerk was more thorough than you thought he would be.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0318497/
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